I’ve been feeling very uninspired over the past few days. I’m at the stage where I’m wondering if anyone (apart from my loyal friend Marie – hello Marie!) is actually bothering to read anything I write or if all of my followers (except Marie) have followed me just to get me to follow them and now they no longer look at my posts. I’ve loved writing my blog (most of the time) – even when I had to find something different to write about every day for a month last November. It was a challenge, particularly as I had to get it done before midnight every night. Even so, I’m very proud of most of the posts I’ve produced but I’ve spent (wasted?) hours doing it and for what? Today I started and abandoned 2 other posts before doing this one. I’m just feeling really tired and I’m wondering if it is worth the effort.
I’m not feeling the love for my writing course at the moment either. I’m rapidly running out of time but I’m still avoiding doing it. What with working full-time, shopping, cooking, washing-up, washing, ironing and cleaning (well, maybe not so much cleaning lol, I hate cleaning) along with having to plan ahead and remember so much, I feel completely exhausted.
I think the real problem is that I need to change my job. I’ve been there for more than 10 years so the thought of changing it is SCARY but the stress is making me ill. If I knew what I wanted to do I could at least study something to move towards my ideal career but the problem is I don’t know what I want to do. I just know I don’t want to do what I am doing and I think there are a lot of people out there who feel the same way as me. Should I stay where I am while I hone my writing skills and try to craft a bestseller (did I ever say that a gypsy once told me I’d write a bestseller?) or should I try to find a job where I’ll be happier (a tall order in this economy and at my age and I know they are both disempowering beliefs to have and I need to change them) but where I might give up on my dreams of doing something creative, whether that is writing, art or both, because I won’t have the spur of being in a job where I’m not happy and so I might stop trying to use my talents to escape? Decisions, decisions!
I may not post for a few days. I think I need a break.